The last, ultimate, and definitely final part of the Office of Realism. Say goodnight, Gracie.
The office I carried my boxes through to wasn't the one I had been in before. This was much larger, with people waiting to take the equipment from us, people running around with clipboards, and a multitude of other people paying us no attention at all. The part of the office where we stood was in the centre, sectioned off from the areas either side by chest-high partitions covered in the sorts of posters and letters you might find on an office notice board. There were benches against each partition, most of which were now taken up by the equipment we were carrying back through, and a big sign on the wall opposite read,
Keep this office clean!
Please remove your footwear if you have been in
contact with:
contact with:
Mud
Excrement
Erosive soils
Expansive or reproductive material or organisms
Radioactive material
Normal life
Remember the Seventh!
I frowned up at it, and in the heartbeat I wasn't paying attention, someone took the box from my arms, moved me to the benches, and pressed a clipboard into my hands. I didn't even see who it was, it happened so fast. Blinking in surprise at what looked like a questionnaire clipped to the board, I shuffled my way back over to Jason.
"Am I supposed to take my shoes off?" I asked. When he gave me a puzzled look, I nodded up at the sign.
"Oh. No, we're fine. No one pays much attention to that."
"When it says 'reproductive organisms', it probably doesn't mean people, does it."
Jason chuckled.
"No. We use that to describe anything with a reproductive cycle that can be measured in minutes. The actual phrase used in the rule book is, 'if it can colonise your desk while you're off making a cup of tea, it belongs in containment'."
"Definitely not people, then." I laughed, then waved the clipboard at him. "How about this? What am I suppose to do with it?"
Jason took a quick look at it, then took it from me.
"You can ignore it. They do random spot-checks for people who work in the field. I'll fill it out."
"It's asking if I like cheese." I pointed out. "Is there a wrong answer to that?"
"If it's different from the last time you filled it out, yes." He pulled the sheet free and left the board on a bench.
"Why would it be different?"
"Maybe you've become calcium deficient. Maybe something's altered your mental state. Or maybe you've just grown to like cheese. I'm damned if I know what all the questions mean, but then, we're not supposed to know the why of them."
The crowd that had been milling around us was beginning to thin, and I got a chance to look around properly. To the left of the door we came in through, large tables stood with computer screens, white boards, or simply cork boards in the centre and neatly arranged workspaces around. One table at the far end of the room had gas taps and a rack of empty test tubes, but no one was doing any work there for the moment. To the right were the individual desks, and at the far end that way were cubicles. Each wall had at least one door, but the main thoroughfares were through the doors at the centre of each wall, and these doors were wedged open.
"What do we do now, then?"
"I need to pick up a couple of things while we're here, and then I'll take you back to Containment. You can have some time to think over my offer there, if you need it."
"Can't I sleep on it and let you know tomorrow?"
"Only if you stay here. You can't leave the Office until you give us an answer."
"And what if my answer's 'no'?"
"Then I'll take you back home, and that will be that. We'll rearrange that interview you were in, of course."
"So I'm allowed to talk about all this?" I waved my hands around vaguely. "Not that anyone will believe me, I'm sure, but..."
"You won't remember being here, so that won't be an issue." He gave me a reassuring clap on the shoulder. "Don't worry. It's perfectly safe. I went through it myself, apparently. Do me a favour and go speak to the woman next to the door over there." He pointed to an off-centre door on the opposite wall. "Tell her we need to go to Containment."
Jason hurried off, seemingly oblivious to my open mouth and impending questions. I wouldn't remember? That didn't sound good. But then, was it worth accepting a job like this simply for an hour or two of memories?
The woman by the door had a strict, no-nonsense face, and she glared at me when she saw me approaching. Steeling myself, I told her what Jason had said.
"Containment?" She repeated, looking over a sheet of paper. "There was no one from Containment assigned to the event. You'll have to wait. The door is reserved for field agents for another twenty minutes."
"We were out at the event." I argued, feeling like I was taking my life in my hands. "Jason was showing me what the fieldwork is like. He's offering me a job."
"You're not on my list."
"Well, I don't know anything about that, but no one's using the door right now. If someone else needs it, then we'll wait, but if they don't..."
Jason appeared next to me, clutching a small cardboard box.
"We all set?" He asked amicably. The woman glared at him with such ferocity that I thought he might burst into flame, but after a moment or two she nodded, and pulled the door open for us.
This was the office I remembered from before - dark wood and empty save for the greying William. Jason closed the door quickly behind us, and began to laugh.
"What?"
"I underestimated you, young grasshopper." He told me cryptically, setting his cardboard box down.
"What are you talking about?"
"You got Martha to let us through. I thought we'd have first dibs once the field team had gone - I didn't expect to come straight back."
"Well I didn't do anything special." I shrugged, wondering why he was making such a fuss. "I only asked."
"If that's what happens when you 'only ask', I definitely want you on my team."
"That's good," I said somewhat vaguely. "Because I think I'm going to say 'yes'."
Jason paused, one box halfway open, and from the side-on view I had of him, I saw a grin begin to spread across his face.
"Really? Bril... wait." His expression turned serious so suddenly that it took me a moment to realise it had happened. "Two minutes to take you through the benefits and drawbacks, and if you still say yes once I'm done, I'll welcome you with open arms."
"Okay."
"Most importantly, non-disclosure agreements will be signed by you and kept to under pain of... very serious things happening to you. The Office has accommodation you'll move into, but you can come and go whenever you like. Two day's notice is required if you want to bring anyone back to your apartment, even family. Everything you need - food, clothes, toiletries, and the like - are all provided by the Office. If you need something not in stock, you can request it. There's no pay, but if you require money when you go out, you can request that, too. External Affairs will talk to you about arrangements for all leisure trips outside the Office - there are regulations you'll need to be aware of, mostly just paperwork. You'll get twenty four days holiday a year. All medical problems can be dealt with within the Office - well, best to say anything at all you need can be provided by us. There is a bit of fieldwork associated with training in Continuity, but any event considered risky, like the one we were on today, will only be optional, not compulsory. You'll need to familiarise yourself with the in-house rules, but the most important points are that anything affected by Normal energy shouldn't be outside the designated areas unless in the proper transport units, and shouldn't ever be in the habitation areas. If you see anything out-of-the-ordinary in a non-designated area, you need to raise the contamination alarm, and if you're not sure if something is out-of-the-ordinary or not, there are phones in all corridors with which to call Contamination and check. Since there aren't many of us in Continuity, we don't worry too much about hierarchy, but officially you will report to me. The department as a whole reports to Central, like most departments. The first six months of your employment will be as a trainee, which means if you change your mind about working here, or if we think you'd be better in another department, your contract can be terminated or changed with very little fuss. Have I used up my two minutes, yet?"
I blinked.
"Probably. I don't think I'm going to remember all that."
"Any pressing questions?"
"How long's the contract?"
"Permanent. You'll need a month's notice if you want to leave after your initial six months are up. Leaving requires memory modification, which will be something you'll agree to when you sign the non-disclosure paperwork."
"Pension?"
"Very generous, and entirely dependent on circumstances. My old boss retired because he began to develop Alzheimer's, and he got a comfortable house near his family, and paid-for in-house care whenever he needed it. They pay his bills, and he gets about £500 a month on top of it all."
Jason stopped speaking, and I realised my mouth was hanging open. With an effort, I closed it.
"Didn't you say 'benefits and drawbacks'?" I asked quietly, not sure if I believed what I'd just heard. Surely no company could provide that for every employee.
"It's mostly the freedom, to be honest." Jason shrugged. "The Office does what it can to give people the control they would normally have over their lives, but when you have to go through External Affairs for everything you want, even money, it feels like you have less freedom. You have to abide by Office rules, even in your apartment, and there's the risk, albeit a small risk, that something will go horribly wrong in Containment and the whole place will blow sky high." Jason grinned. "It's about as risky as using a gas cooker, to be honest, except if it blows it wouldn't be your fault. And it might not actually blow up, it might just turn everyone orange, or take one of our dimensions away, or give all the men teeth on their knees. So, yeah, there are drawbacks. There always are."
"Teeth...?"
"It happened once, on site. Creepy as all hell, but not that serious. It only got five of us, and they fixed it inside a week. We got through a lot of trousers between the five of us, though."
Well," I mused, wondering if I'd ever be able to get the image of Jason with teeth on his knees out of my head, "Dermal dentition aside, I think I still want to say 'yes'."
"Your current job finishes in two weeks, yes?"
"Yes."
"Then we'll have a word with them, you can finish today, have a week to sort your things, and you can start a week from today. How does that sound?"
"That would be fine." I agreed, dazed.
Jason held out his hand, and I shook it firmly. Then reality came crashing in, dancing memories through my mind as though to taunt me with what I'd just done.
"Um..." I murmured. Jason laughed, and put an arm around my shoulder.
"Yep, you'll wear that expression a lot. Welcome to the best job in the world."
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